Medical Misstatements

The following statements are reported to have been found on patients' charts during a recent review of medical records. These statements were written by health care professionals, including doctors and nurses, at major hospitals:

1. The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
   
   
2. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
   
   
3. She is numb from her toes down.
   
   
4. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
   
   
5. Patient has been married twice, but denies any other serious illnesses.
   
   
6. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
   
   
7. Patient experiences difficulty swallowing tires easily.
   
   
8. History: Patient was shot in the head with .34 caliber rifle.
   Chief complaint -- headache.
   
   
9. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old white male, mentally alert but forgetful.
   
   
10. The patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
    
    
11. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

[ Author unknown - received from Chris Long at 'Laugh & Lift' (www.laughandlift.com) - updated ]