'Tis the Month After Christmas

“New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”  Mark Twain

‘Tis the month after Christmas, and even my blouse
Is straining to fit me, and I feel like a louse.
Those cookies I nibbled, that turkey I tasted
The pies that upon my thighs now look pasted.

The wine and the cheese, the cookies so merry
The rum cake I swallowed, yes, even the cherry.
All the festive food that passed through my lips
Seems to have made its way straight to my hips.

When I stepped on the scale, I was just shocked to find
The number appearing there was very unkind.
So I thought and I thought, seeking a solution
And then it hit me – I need a New Year’s resolution!

A vow is required, a promise long-lasting
To exercise this body that sure ain’t been fasting.
I am chubby and plump, not at all my old self
But I know I can do it, if I just get some help.

So I’m off to the gym as soon as I’m able
I’m going to build all my muscles, make my stomach like a table.
My arms how they’ll pump up, my legs how they’ll tone,
My backside will tighten, no matter how much I moan.

Oh, I know it won’t be easy to whip this figure into shape
But it’s better than covering my form with a cape.
And come summertime, when we’ve reached swimsuit season
I’ll know that I did all the hard work for a reason.

Now some may express just a wee bit of doubt
That I’ll stick to my promise, that I’ll work myself out.
There are skeptics among us, those crabby old tokens
Who point out that resolutions are usually broken.

They try to be downers and make a strong case
That New Year’s intentions end up paving a warm place.
But I still believe, still expect muscles sore
After all, isn’t that what January is for?

~ Jackie Papandrew ~
Copyright © 2011
All Rights Reserved

Jackie Papandrew is an award-winning writer, syndicated humor columnist, coffee addict and mom to a motley crew of children and pets who provide a steady stream of column ideas and dirt. She's also wife to a very patient man who had no idea, years ago when he still had time to escape, what he was getting himself into. Visit her website at:  JackiePapandrew.com

[ by Jackie Papandrew Copyright © 2011, (me@jackiepapandrew.com) -- submitted by: Jackie Papandrew ]